Nippon News - Volume 1 Number 2

Another week in Japan, and some things are becoming familiar; like the fact that you have to step to your LEFT to avoid oncoming bicycles, (sorry about that Yamoto-san, and I would help you pick up the tomatos but I was late for the train) and when going through the checkout at the store, try not to enter from the Exit and exit into the queue that forms at the Entrance to the till. This is bad form and results in everyone eyeing you as you try to act nocholant while strolling by the line with your goodies in the little bag that they always give you. The Japanese love packaging; everying is plastic-formed, wrapped, bagged, tagged and taped shut – the bulk of the packaging often exceeds the size of the article itself. I have actually seen individual, shrink-wrapped carrots in the store and they sell bread in a plastic bag containing just six slides! None of the bread has a crust on it unless it is a specialty loaf like baguette or cheesebread. Remember rule 1; don't ask why!

The Japanese are models of 'downsizing'; they have the small cars, mini-cement mixers and micro vans that any Smurf Village would be proud of. I saw computer desks and chairs that had no legs, dishwashers the size of a breadbox (really), a computer case that would fit into a shoebox, and what almost looks like playhouse furniture. And an unanticipated benefit is their clothes; they all fit! I was shopping for pants the other day at the local Mr. Short and Chubby store (or whatever they call it here), and I was trying on sweaters to discover that I take a size XL! So, I have finally made it to the bigs! I am pretty sure that most of you would be XXX material, but that is another story.

Besides toilets and beer bottle openers, (I must tell you sometime about the handy, cylindrical plunger-opener that Jay gave me a cople of years ago), the once thing the Japanese really go all out on are fridges. They have taken a fresh look at this humdrum appliance and have re-engineered it to what is a very modern and convenient design. The top one-third is usually a single, large and entirely normal fridge interior with adjustable shelves and rocks, but, other than the fact that the door will open on both the left and the right sides, it is the rest of the fridge that really stands out. Below the top compartment are two drawers, about a foot in depth (No, I don't know what that is in centimeters, but it is some ridicuously large number). In the smaller of the two is an ice-cube tray, compete with water tank to fill so you don't have to plumb the appliance, and with a handy little scoop that stows in the side. Perfect! Next to it is a meat-keeper that slides out for access. Below this are usually two larger doors for crispers, freezer compartments, and storeage of large items like big and long green onions, and probably umbrellas, for all I know. Some units have warming compartments, and even electronics, including LCD TVs. I will never again look at the interior of my fridge at home again without thinking of the endless untapped potential that lies within.

We are living in Kamanoge, which is a suburb about half-way between downtown Tokyo and Yokahama. It is a very Japanese area, and I normally only see another Westerner about every third or fourth day. The locals do not speak a great deal of English, but you can usually get by with my trusty 120 word vocabulary, of which nouns are critical. However, in that regard, I was surprized to discover that many, many English words have been appropriated into the Japanese language, suitably modified for their culture. Here is a sampling; Hoto (Hoto Chocolato), Erebateh, Shampu, Jacketto, Biru, (Okhii Biru – a big beer), deodornto, wain (wine), taburu (table), etc.etc. There somehow seems to be a common theme here, but then again, you don't ponder the universe.

The Japanese seem almost Zen-like in their respect for and acceptance of the forces of nature, which I guess should be understood given their association with Tsunamies, earthquakes, volcanoes, typhoons, and rush-hour. If you think the elevators in Ottawa are crowded at noontime, you have to try your luck on the Tokyo trains going home around 6 pm. You might not read Japanese, but your nose is likely to be firmly planted in the back of a pulp novel held by your neighbor, fellow travellers are sufficiently jammed all around you so that you don't even have to hang onto those handy plastic grips strategically hung from the ceiling so as to whack you in the face when you become distracted and run for the exit, and you can never be sure if the lady behind you is carrying an unusually large bag of turnips, or is just built that way. It really wouln't matter, since you couldn't turn around to find out even if you wanted to. On the bright side, you don't have to ask anyone what they had for lunch; and you would know who to ask for a light, if you needed one. And god help you if you are near the train doors when it pulls into a major station; once the flow starts, you are liable to be swept along with little or no concern shown those standing between the commuter and the exit.. This is nature at its raw and merciless core; Survival Of The Thinnest!

However, once you emerge from the station, a little bent and bruised, and with a new-found respect for push-button umbrellas, there is a world of delights to be found in the many local restaurants, cafes and takeouts located along all the major streets. Some estabishments are so small they have only about 8 stools, and none of them get cold between customers. Everyone just bellies up to the counter, places their order, and falls to with an enthusiasm usually reserved for free samples at Costco. There is no lingering over a long lunch here, and as for the bill, it is usually just an amount written on a piece of paper. Fortunately, they use arabic numbers, and 100 yen is almost exactly $1.00 CDN. You have two choices; either equal shares, or one pays the entire bill. No tipping.

Classic local food consists of Ramen (noodles in fish or chicken broth with whatever), Gyoza, (dumplings), Tempura, Oyako Donguri (means mother and child since it has both Chicken and Eggs in it!), and even Yakatori. However, that is a whole other Tori! While not keen on fish (in Regina eating seafood meant having canned tuna salad sandwiches) I did try the Sashimi (thin slices of raw fish). [Note to Self- as a supplement to Rule One – when eating local food don't ask what is it, either!].There are lots of vegetarian rolls available and chicken is common, too. Unfortunately, dining in public means that you not only have to master the art of chasing corn kernels around the plate with two oversized toothpicks, but you also have to respect Japanese traditions like wiping your hands with the towel furnished at the start of the meal and not tucking it into your collar, slurping your noodles with gusto, clinking drink glasses while shouting 'Choke The Cat!' (at least that's what we say and everyone still gets it), ordering Gohan [rice] and Nori [seaweed] as the LAST dish of the meal, and, above all, resting your chopsticks parallel to your edge of the table and NEVER struck in the food bowel. P.S. The Kleenix is the napkin – remember, napkins do not exist here; you have just three choices; eat it, leave it in the bowl, or wear it home!

Unfortunatley, in their faultless eagerness to provide helpful and respectful service in English, the Japanese sometimes provide well-intentioned but misleading advice. Consider the following tidbit, which, while warning of the dangers of earthquakes, is illustrative of some translation difficulties:

When, in the eventuality that you with all of the hair are on fire, screaming with pride will arouse many Japanese, who will then beat you with enthusiasm until you are done.

On the other hand, there are worlds of discovery to be made, such as figuring out that the little straw on the mini-drink (i.e. About 4 oz) container has a slip collar so that the proper straw length is achieved and is pointed at one end to allow it to punch through the cap on the bottle; that the buses and trains run to schedule to the minute; that the Japanese are so frestidious about cleanliness that they have a little bath for the truck wheels at construction sites and scrub them every time prior to their departure, and that a slight mispronounciation of the word Kudomono [Fruit], means something unpleasant having to do with children. Lets not dwell on this unfortunate coincidence.

In all, its quite an experience, and as the old Japanese proverb goes, 'not one of us is as dumb as all of us put together!'

Doug-San In Japan saying 'Sayonara' for now.